


OKAY – Or not?

by moxplicit



Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe - Yoga, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Dean is a SAD SAD boy, Depression, Drama & Romance, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Roman is an ass, Seth comes in for the rescue, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Wrestling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:14:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27992838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moxplicit/pseuds/moxplicit
Summary: Dean Ambrose struggles with a lot of things. He doesn't fit well with his friends group, he doesn't find love and he doesn't know what makes him happy. His best friend Roman Reigns is the complete opposite of him. Successful, determined and confident. But does his best friend always have the best intentions for him too? Dean's insecurities threaten to eat him up until Seth Rollins steps in to rearrange all of their lives without even knowing.If you want to hurt yourself or simply need a good trigger for a crying session, read this story.
Relationships: Dean Ambrose | Jon Moxley/Seth Rollins | Tyler Black
Comments: 11
Kudos: 25





	1. BBQ and hazel eyes

**Author's Note:**

> So ... I have returned to writing after a long as big fucking hiatus and I can't yet promise how fluently I will update this story. But if you remember, I have announced that it was coming and I've been working on it for a while now. I just want to provide a brief disclaimer. Of course all characters in this story are fictional and I do not own them.   
> With this story I hope to talk about a problem that I think all of us have probably struggled with before, because maybe we also have friends who didn't always have out best intentions at heart. Anyway, enjoy reading this. Maybe leave a comment in the end!

He was so beautiful, the way his well defined body laid under his. Muscles worked hard under pale skin while Dean kept pushing into the body of the Irish man again and again. Soft “Ah!”s escaped those pink lips and sweat was glistening all over his body. It had always amazed the dirty blond how beautiful someone could be in such a position. He looked at the brunette, the pure bliss he seemed to feel, only because he had put it there. This was his work. Dean made the other man feel good so he was about to reach his orgasmic high. He, himself, was close too. They had been at it for a good hour, just toying with each other’s body until, eventually, lips had found lips and naked skin pressed on more naked skin. 

Dean had met Finn three weeks ago. Roman had invited him out of beer to make sure his best friend got out of the house every now and then. It wasn’t that Dean didn’t have enough friends or enough to do to actually go outside but, when he had a day off from work he enjoyed being in his home. It was cozy here. A welcoming and warm space where he could do whatever he wanted without ever being judged. Outside, this sometimes was a struggle with him.  _ Quit letting strangers get to you with simple things _ . Roman reminded him of that so often but of course it was easy for the beautiful and successful Samoan. His usual response would be eye rolling and Roman would let it go.

When Finn had stepped up to the pool table and asked if Dean was in for a round, he looked at Roman questioning but the Samoan stepped back and let his friend have the round. The Irish man worked in a Kindergarten, as he had learned within the first half hour and he was a bit older than him. Finn had moved to the States to get a fresh start from whatever, he didn’t mention that, and he was looking to meet some new people. In the bars of Cincinnati that was never a problem. Dean had grown up around here, he loved his home. So, why not help someone new make a nice home here as well?

“Dean!” The brunette grabbed Dean’s lower arm. Yeah, he had found that spot, it was written all over Finn’s face. His rough hand wrapped around the hard member of the other man. There was no inch of his body that wasn’t gorgeous, that wasn’t well-trained and that didn’t turn Dean on. In the same pace as he was fucking into that tight and well-lubed entrance of pretty Finn, the blond started fisting his shaft. Heat was spreading in his own lower body, the sweet noises that reached his ear drummed through his body like thunder. It took only a couple of more thrusts and the male beneath him was spilling his juice over his own stomach and Dean’s fist. Tight muscles contracted around his cock, the tunnel that he had spent quite a while to open up, closed down and swallowed him. A couple of seconds after Finn, Dean was overwhelmed by his own rushing orgasm and almost collapsed on top of his lover. Luckily, he managed to catch himself as his hands landed left and right from Finn’s head. 

For a moment, both of them needed to catch their breaths. It wasn’t the best sex Dean had ever had but it was good. Finn was good. He was so attractive, so out of Dean’s league, that he wouldn't even dare to complain about anything. It was a bit of a problem Dean struggled with. He put that chip on his shoulder everyday, never expected anyone to actually like him or to be good enough for someone. Somedays, that feeling was strong. On other days, it vanished to the back of his head. But it was always there, lurking somewhere inside of him. Slowly, Dean withdrew from Finn’s body and rolled off the bed. He stepped out, crossed the small hallway to the bathroom. Quickly, he ripped off the condom and cleaned up a little. When he came back to the bedroom, he had brought a towel to give it to Finn but the other man was already mostly dressed. 

Not, that Dean had expected him to spend the night, but Finn seemed to be a little too eager to leave. “Got somewhere to be?” Dean asked with his typical rough voice as he offered the towel still. The brunette took it and smiled. What a beautiful smile he had. His teeth shined perfectly white, his lips were plush and pink. A mouth one  **had to** fantasize about. 

“Yeah kinda. I need to stop by home before the party tonight.” Dean had almost forgotten about it. Roman had invited him weeks ago for the BBQ party in his backyard. Mostly, it would be working colleagues of his best friend but the Samoan always invited Dean. The food would be good and some of the dudes were actually not that bad to talk to. Roman probably put up the ping pong table for either ping pong or beer pong later in the evening. He had mentioned it to Finn on the phone a couple of days ago and really, the two of them had met only twice since their first meeting but the Irish man appeared so eager to spend time with Dean and people around him that the blond had just decided to invite him along. 

Even though, he considered Finn to be a couple of levels above him when it came to looks and basically everything else, it appeared as if the Irish was interested in him. So maybe he needed to get his head out of the sand and give the whole thing a chance. “Ah right, I almost forgot.” Dean chuckled and fished his underwear from the floor to put it back on. He could probably use a shower too before they would meet again. “You need me to pick you up or so? I don’t have to drink, so I can drive if you want to.” His offer was followed by a soft smile. 

“It’s okay. I can drive. You invited me so that’s the least I can do.” Dean smiled from under his sweaty blond bangs and stepped a bit closer. His hand landed on Finn’s hip now and he pulled him in to kiss this beautiful mouth again. The brunette giggled and allowed the kiss however, after only a couple of seconds he pushed Dean back a little. It wasn’t meant to be rude, Dean knew that. However, he would have loved to keep kissing Finn. “I’ll be here at six, okay? Is that a good time?”

He nodded. “That’s  **okay** .” Together they walked to the front door and another quick peck was exchanged before Finn left his apartment. Dean lived on the third floor in an apartment complex. It was an alright area to live in, better than the one he grew up at but not quite as good as the one Roman had bought a house at. He was comfortable here, the rent was alright, his neighbors never bothered him and he could reach everything he needed in an alright time. Even though, he could probably afford it, Dean saw no need to move to a different house just for the status purpose. Dean was at peace with most of his live. Things were  **okay** . 

\---

“I’m so excited to meet all of your friends. Everyone you introduced me to has been so nice and kind to me. You truly have wonderful friends.” Finn had been going on ever since Dean had sat down with him in the car. He was his normal bubbly self, making jokes, letting the buzz of excitement guide him completely. Of course, Dean looked forward to seeing Roman but the other people mostly, weren’t his friends. They were Roman’s colleagues and he simply knew a couple of them from the several parties his friend loved to throw. 

He took a deep breath and looked over to Finn. With the light blue button down and the grey jeans, he looked handsome as ever. If Dean wanted to know whether the brunette was really interested in him, then maybe it was time to try making a step forward, feeling out what was going on. “You know who else is wonderful?” The smile that grew on his face was shy. It wasn’t so easy for Dean to show affection and emotion. Most of it usually happened inside of him and he wasn’t big on sharing these things. But, if he wanted to make things work he knew he had to try. “You. I’m really happy you’re going with me.” He reached out and put his hand on Finn’s leg. The other man laughed a little. 

“Thank you, Dean. That’s really sweet of you.” Obviously, Finn had manners and again, Dean just smiled. They arrived at Roman’s place not too long after that. When the car was parked, Dean’s date mustered the house with big eyes. “That’s more of a villa than a house, wow. What does Roman do for money again?” 

“He’s in real estate.” Dean mumbled as they walked towards the house. For a moment he considered taking Finn’s hand into his but then again, he wasn’t sure whether they were this far already. After all, it was only their third date and even though they had fucked on two of three occasions, the emotional part was always harder to figure out. Harder than physical attraction at least. Dean guided them around the house. Since this was a BBQ party, there was no need to step inside the house. Everyone would be hanging out behind the building. The closer they came, the more voices were audible. 

In the garden, they found a large group of people. Men and women, spread out sitting at different tables or benches. Even a couple of kids were running around here. They had not said hello to anyone yet but, Finn grabbed Dean’s lower arm and leaned over to whisper something to him. The touch shot through his body almost like an electric shock. Maybe Finn had wanted for Dean to take his hand, maybe that’s why he had been thinking about it in the first place. Maybe, there was a real connection between the two of them. “Where is Roman? Will you introduce me to him?” 

“Yeah in a minute. I don’t see him now.” In the bar, Finn and his best friend had not talked to each other. Dean was too busy with the Irish man and the game they were playing and by the time it was over, Roman was already talking to a attractive brunette woman. Where Roman would enjoy spending his time with either gender, Dean was focussed only on men. “I can introduce you to some other people first. Come.”

Finn nodded. “Okay but then we go looking where Roman is, okay? I really can’t wait to meet him.” Dean wasn’t quite sure why Finn was so eager to meet the Samoan. He guessed that the brunette just wanted to make a good impression. After all, if the new boyfriend didn’t get along with the best friend, the relationship probably wouldn’t last. Did he just call Finn boyfriend in his head? Dean didn't allow himself to go back to that thought. Instead, he guided him over to where Jimmy and Jey were sitting with their wives. They had seen him coming and Jimmy was out of his seat immediately. “Hey man.” Dean greeted him and they hugged shortly. He did the same with Jey. 

“Ah! Dean Ambrose! Here I was thinking you were charming. But it seems like _ ladies first  _ never occured to you?” The tone was meant to be angry but when Dean looked at Naomi, she was smiling at him widely. 

“Excuse me, seems like your husband was just as eager to see me as you were.” Dean smiled at her and got pulled into a hug so tight, it almost crushed his ribs. Naomi never failed to make him feel welcome and to make him smile. When they let go of each other he pointed at Finn. “I brought Finn along. He’s new in town and we’re.. Hanging out.” That announcement was a little bit awkward. We're hanging out? Well obviously. Why else would he bring him to the dinner party? Finn introduced himself quickly and shook hands with the people in front of him. “They’re Roman’s family.” Somehow, as soon as Dean mentioned that, Finn seemed more enthusiastic to meet them. 

“It’s so great to meet you. I hope we can have a beer through the evening? But I think first, Dean wanted to introduce me to the host.” If Finn would mention that he wanted to meet Roman for one more time, Dean would call it a bit of an obsession. They had been here for less than 15 minutes and his date couldn’t shut up about his best friend. He took a deep breath and swallowed down the funny feeling that it put in his stomach. 

“I think Roman was in the kitchen. He said something about meat so I hope that means he will start the BBQ soon.” Jey nodded towards the house. Dean thanked him for the information and to satisfy Finn’s constant asking, they walked over to the back door. On the way there they were stopped by a hand that landed on his shoulder.

“Dean, great seeing you here.” It was Tyler Breeze. Him and Roman had been in school together to become real estate agents. Because of that, they also knew each other for quite some time due to several occasions on which the three of them had hung out together.

“Tyler, hey. I didn’t know you would be here too.” Again, Dean was hugged. “Hey, that’s my friend Finn. He’s new in town.” They shook hands. 

“Man, it’s so nice here in Roman’s backyard. If I would have known, I would have taken up on some of his earlier invitations.” Both of them laughed. “So, how is your work going?”

“It’s  **okay** , it’s good. I can’t complain right now. The company got lots of work for me to do and I’m doing a lot of the emergency line calls, that gives some financial bonuses.” Dean was a plumber, working for a larger company in the town. Even though, sometimes it was a dirty job, it was one that was always needed and because of that, it paid quite well.

“I’m happy to hear good things are coming your way, man.” Tyler was always so genuine with the things he said. He showed true concern for all the people around him and never lied. Dean admired that in him. It had been one of the reasons why it was so easy to be Tyler’s friend. You knew immediately when you were on his good or bad side because he didn’t even spend his time on people who didn’t fit into his life. 

Finn pulled his arm a little. “Come on. Introduce me to Roman now.” He muttered in Dean’s direction. The blond was starting to get annoyed. What was it with Finn and Roman? As much as he wanted the brunette to shut up and let him carry on his conversation with his friend, Tyler petted his shoulder. “It’s fine, Dean. We will talk later, okay?”

He nodded and with Finn following him, they made it inside without anyone else trying to talk to him now. Because Dean had been here so many times, he found the way straight to the kitchen. Every room was large but because Roman loved to cook, the kitchen had gotten some special attention when it had been built. Everything here was fancy and expensive. It was Roman’s empire. No one but him would be allowed to cook here. “Dean, finally!”

A tall Samoan was placing some stakes on a plate when they entered the room. “Aye, that looks pretty good. Did your mom marinate those?” Dean asked as he walked over to his friend. They hugged but before they could even continue the conversation, Finn was between them, almost pushing Dean aside to greet Roman. 

“I’m Finn. We briefly met a couple of weeks ago in the bar. Do you remember me?” And there it was. That special spark in Finn’s eyes, that extra tone in his voice and that additional suggestiveness in the way he moved. He had seen it too many times by now. Finn wasn’t interested in him. Or at least not anymore. But Roman on the other hand, he almost stripped him from his clothes by just looking at him. The blond was pretty sure that the Irish hadn’t looked at him like this before. A sharp pain attacked his heart and Dean swallowed hard. It took all his willpower for him not to drop the soft smile on his face when he watched Roman shake the hand of his date. 

As always, his best friend didn’t seem to notice. Roman was never aware of the effect he had on the people around him. Of how easily he could make a person fall for him, even if it was just for a day. For Dean, it was much harder. He didn’t run around with a thick layer of confidence and a beautiful smile. Strangers didn’t nod at him, cashiers didn’t wish him a good day and people didn’t use his best friend to get closer to him. Because that, that was exactly what Finn had done. The sex had probably been out of pity or for whatever else reason Finn thought he needed to pretend that he was into Dean. Just looking at the two of them gave Dean the feeling that he was the third wheel in a conversation between two. “Guys, I’m going back outside. I think Naomi already has a beer popped open for me.”

He wanted to run away. Wanted to distance himself from the thought that someone could actually like him or want to get to know  _ HIM _ . Once they laid eyes on Roman they were all interested in the dark hair and grey eyes. “Really?” Roman asked. “Didn’t even get to ask you how you’re doing, bud.” Even though, his best friend had practically just stolen his date, Dean wasn’t mad at him. Finn’s actions were not Roman’s fault. The Samoan took no piece in this drama. 

“It’s  **okay** . We’ll talk later.” Roman gave him a strange look but Dean covered it up with a smile and turned on his heel to get out of there. His vision was straight, like a tunnel. He needed fresh air, needed to get outside, needed to get away from the situation in which his date had dropped him like a hot potato. Once again, he had put hope where he shouldn’t. He had trusted someone who was willing to crush his rare optimism within seconds. If he wouldn’t have come here with Finn, Dean would probably have left right about now. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts. It was only a couple of months ago, that he had come to terms with some things. Love just wasn’t for everybody. He had learned to accept that he was one of those people. And really, it wasn’t such a huge deal either. His life was  **okay** . His job paid well, his home was nice, he had friends who cared and he didn’t despise himself too much anymore. He was free. Life was  **okay** . 

Yet, every now and then, this nasty desire to have someone special in his life overwhelmed him. Sadness consumed his mind. If he would have been home alone, maybe he would have allowed himself to slip a wet one as the slightest hint of positivity in his lovelife was crushed like an eggshell. Someone who knew him, someone like Roman, would probably have been able to help. He would understand and know just the right things to say to build him back up because - hell - was there anything that beautiful, perfect, charming Roman Reigns couldn’t do? Probably not. 

Dean stepped outside. As always, no one was paying attention to him - just as it always was. How come he felt so lonely between so many people? ..  _ Man up. You’ve been through worse.  _ As much as Dean tried giving himself a pep talk in his head, it was all over his body that something hit him hard, that he wasn’t comfortable. 

“Dean, there you are again!” It was Tyler’s voice again. The blond male wouldn’t be able to help but, he too, would probably be able to read Dean, they knew each other for long enough by now. “Hey, I didn’t get the chance to introduce you to  _ my _ friend.” Even though, he didn’t really feel like meeting someone, ANYONE really, right now, Dean looked up into Tyler’s eyes. “Where’s Finn? I can introduce him too.”

“Uhm.. He’s inside. Roman and him got along so great that I wanted to give them the chance to get to know each other a bit better. You can introduce him later.” It was typical for him to try covering up someone who had just hurt him badly. Dean just hated admitting that he was a bit of a softy and that some things hit him harder than other people. Maybe that was a reason for why he never really talked about his feelings. 

“Oh.” As he had suspected, Tyler could feel something was up. “I can do it later, yeah. You sure you’re doing okay? You look a bit.. Like you had a long day.” That was put nicely. Tyler didn’t want to trample on his feelings and if they were in a different place right now, maybe, just maybe, Dean would have had the courage to talk about what happened but right now, he felt too depressed to even think about it and too many people were around. 

“I’m  **okay** , Tye. Where’s that friend, let me meet him”. He looked behind Tyler and saw a man who was about the same height and probably the same age as him too. 

“Right. This is Seth. He’s my fiance’s cousin’s nephew.” What? Dean had not been able to follow that. But it didn’t matter. His eyes found hazle one’s and he tried swallowing back his sadness to put back on that smile he had worn so bravely when he’d left the kitchen. 

“Hey Seth. Nice meeting you.” It was hard to focus on anything right now with that dull pain in his chest and the slight shaking in his fingers. 

“I have heard a lot about you and and Roman.” Stop talking about him! God damn! For once, just once, Dean wished people would see him as a single person. But it seemed that his name was one that people would only ever remember in the same breath as Roman’s. “Are you also in real estate?”

Dean was surprised that this Seth person asked. But it was probably just formality or pity because Dean’s face told the story of what had just happened even with the corners of his mouth tilted upwards. Or maybe Tyler had told him to make a bit of conversation before. It didn’t matter. Dean actually wanted to sit down and drink his beer to pass time quickly until it was reasonable to say goodbye. “No, these are Roman’s colleagues.” He replied. To him, there wasn’t really a need to elaborate. As if this man in front of him would truly be interested in knowing. 

The hazel eyes he had first spotted were framed by thick eyebrows and Seth wore a trimmed beard in the same dark color. His smile was kind and showed off a little gap between his front teeth. Black hair was pulled back into a tight bun. Just by looking at him, Dean would have thought him and Tyler were brothers. Both were beautiful. Both had this honest energy surrounding him. Yet, in this moment, the rejection from earlier was too thick in his head to really notice it. This handsome man tried to make conversation because he didn’t know anyone else here. Dean could think of a million of reasons why Seth couldn’t be seriously interested in a talk with him within the blink of an eye. To his surprise though, Seth didn’t let the topic go. “Then what do you do?” He asked.

“I’m a plumber at Thomas & Galbraith’s.” His tone was a bit flat by now. Making conversation exhausted him. When could he finally be alone and drown in self-pity and anxiety? 

“That’s interesting. Have you always wanted to be a plumber?” Seth asked even more. Why? That was what Dean didn’t understand. Why would anyone be interested in THAT - in HIM?

“When I applied for a job training, that was the only company that accepted my application.” He shrugged simply. Seth nodded and looked at him through those caramel like eyes, almost as if he was trying to hypnotize him and actually hoping to hear more of Dean. What a fake look.

“My parents always told me that it’s always good to know a plumber. You guys do an important job.”

Dean just shrugged. “I guess. Uhm..” His cover was slipping more and more and the conversation got harder and harder for him..  _ You’re  _ **_okay_ ** _ , Ambrose. Everything is  _ **_okay_ ** _.  _ After licking at his dry lips dean cleared his throat. “I mean.. Someone has to do it, right? Why not me?” His tone was slightly apologetic after the dry reply he had given seconds ago. Tyler had already met another friend and was standing a couple of feet away, talking to them. “What do you do?” Dean asked. He should be polite enough to keep up some smalltalk until he could leave. That was the least he could do. 

“I’m a yoga teacher.” Seth smiled at him. Maybe that was where he and Tyler got those positive vibes from that seemed to constantly surround them. “I bet you haven’t been to a lot of yoga classes, hm?” The brunette laughed a little. It was a light sound, so easy that it passed by like a breeze. It didn’t take the upset feeling from Dean, as beautiful as it was, but it did make it somewhat easier to breathe. 

“No, I have never visited a yoga class. I work out sometimes, though. If that counts?” Politely he threw a little joke back. 

“I don’t think lifting weights counts as yoga.” More of that soft laughter hit him. “But I could already see that you’re doing  _ something _ .” Was that a compliment? Was Seth complimenting Dean’s body? He was probably just acknowledging that Dean’s arms stretched the fabric of his t-shirt a little. “So, I think there is going to be food some time soon.” Seth gestured behind Dean. It was just now that he noticed that Finn and Roman had stepped outside. The shorter man seemed to be attached to Roman by now, pale hands grabbing at strong biceps at any chance. It was more than obvious that they were flirting. Just seeing it, shattered Dean. The lightness that Seth had brought with him was gone now. Viewing the two guys at the BBQ made Dean’s heart feel heavy again. “Would you be alright if I sat with you for the dinner?” He had almost forgotten Seth was still there as he was hypnotized by the paining view he got. “I don’t really know anyone here besides Tyler and you and I think Tyler needs to speak to some of the people here so it would be nice if I could keep you company.”

Something was odd about the way Seth phrased that. Keep  _ you _ company? Normally, you’d ask for someone to keep you company, right?  _ Right _ ? Dean’s mind was all over the place, he didn’t feel able to catch a clear thought. Maybe he had heard wrong. After everything that went down so far, he wouldn’t be surprised. “Yeah, that’s fine.” He nodded. “I think Finn is busy anyway.” Dean didn’t manage to hide the bitter tone of his voice but even if he had picked up on it, Seth didn’t mention it. Instead, he let Dean lead the way to the table with Roman’s cousins so they could find two empty spots to sit down at. Both of them were handed a beer immediately and even though neither of them said anything, when their eyes met, Seth smiled at Dean so genuinely, that for a second he felt like he could make it through dinner without letting the upsetting situation get the best of him. But only for a second. 


	2. Battle Wounds & Bubblegum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the BBQ continues, Seth makes Dean laugh but of course Roman can't have any of that. With his heart broken Dean eventually decides to leave the party without letting anyone know. But he didn't consider one Seth Rollins who won't let him slip away that easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you need a song to listen to while reading this try Lovely by Billie & Khalid! I hope you enjoy how this continues even though it hurts

Even though it was loud and busy in the garden, Dean and Seth shared a nice moment of silence together. Things still weren’t making any sort of sense to the dirty blond male. Maybe they never would because they really didn’t add up. What was wrong with him? He understood he wasn’t loveable in that kind of way, that he probably wouldn’t ever be sharing his life with anyone that he could grow old with but even though he had come to terms with that, some days he just wished to know why. In a prior life he must have been a terrible man to now be living like this. Was it some sort of justice that he couldn’t wrap his mind around? Or was it just bad luck that stuck to him since he’d been born?

Dean got ripped from his thoughts when the warm voice of Seth spoke to him again. “You’re quite the thinker, hm?” When he turned his head to look at the dark haired male again, there wasn’t a hint of sarcasm on his face. It looked like Seth was seriously asking him that. 

“Uhm.. Sometimes. It’s a weird day.” Dean admitted. He wasn’t quite sure why he was telling this to a mostly strange man but it had just slipped his lips. “But I’m  **okay** .”

Seth nodded. “We all have these, I believe. When I do, I usually try to meditate. Maybe you should. Just take like.. 10 minutes to sit or lay down and close your eyes. You can put some music on, if you want to. But just let your mind be free for a moment. You’d be surprised at the effect it can have on your day.” Dean wasn’t sure if there would have been an answer that would have been more yoga-teacher-like. Probably not. But, Seth was being nice to him so he shouldn’t take it as a joke.

Instead he nodded. “I’ve heard about that. Maybe I really should try it.” It was one of the many things that Dean said he would do but then, when he got home, he’d just curl up on the couch and watch some cartoons until he passed out, only to wake up at what felt like the middle of the night to get ready for work. There were so many things that he had always said he’d do for himself to feel better, to get well, but he never did them. Because they required him to deal with a lot of thoughts that were just easier dealt with if pushed to the back of his mind. 

Before the two of them could dive deeper into any sort of conversation, Roman stepped between them to place a large plate with meat on the table. “Eat up, my people. There’s more than enough for everyone.” It was true. The amount of food prepared could probably have fed twice the amount of people that were here. Both, Seth and Dean, allowed the others to fill their plates first. Instead of grabbing the food, Seth turned towards Dean again.

His eyes were honest, not forcing just suggesting with the aim of helping. “You know, if you really want to meditate but you don’t know how to start, you can come to a yoga class. It doesn’t need to be mine, if you don’t want to. But I’m sure it could help you to get rid of some of the tension in your body.” It was just now that Dean noticed how stiff his whole body felt. His back actually did feel like it was in pain until he tried moving his upper body a little. The dirty blond didn’t get the chance to reply to Seth because the plate with the meat reached them. First, the brunette took something off it before offering it to Dean. He tried to actually get some of the food into his stomach during dinner but he felt too depressed to dig in like he usually would. Roman would probably have enough leftovers to invite him over for lunch the next day and even though Dean didn’t want to go, he already knew he’d say yes and act like everything was  **okay** .

As he put small pieces of meat and salad into his mouth, he could feel that he was getting caught up in his head again.  _ Useless. Not interesting. Unloveable. Disappointing _ . Again and again a voice spoke these words to him. A voice of none other than himself.

Dinner brushed past him like he wasn’t really sitting at the table. He didn’t notice the people around him having fun, didn’t notice the music that had been turned on and he didn’t notice that Roman and Finn had taken a seat at one of the other tables -  _ together _ . But most of all, Dean didn’t notice that Seth didn’t make an attempt to talk to anyone else. No, the brunette was just sitting there, sharing Dean’s presence with his own, attempting to give some comfort where he didn’t even know what was happening. He didn’t notice caring eyes drifting over to him again and again. Didn’t notice the way Seth opened his mouth as if he tried to say something but swallowed his words with another piece of steak. It all went unnoticed because all Dean could think about was the loneliness that would never let him go. 

Naomi had started clearing the table when Dean started to wake up from the trance he had put himself in. Was it time yet to go home? He should probably try for at least another hour. Twice he blinked, as if it would clear his foggy thoughts. The longer he was sitting here, the worse his emotional state got. By now, his body felt numb. Could he even feel anything that wasn’t pain? Was he physically able to feel happy? 

“That was some pretty good food.” For the third time that night, Seth Rollins tried to speak to him. Dean didn’t understand, what did this man want? What was his mission? Why did he not move on to meet other people? 

Slowly he started nodding, not wanting to be rude to someone who wasn’t involved in the situation. Actually, he didn’t even want to show anything that was going on inside of him. He could worry about everything when he got home. He just had to last a little bit longer. Then he could go to that dark place. But for a moment he needed to hold on, needed to be brave and strong even though he felt like he wasn’t. “Yeah..” Dean nodded and with his last strength, he forced half a smile on his face. “Roman is a great cook. He makes the best BBQs. He makes the best..  _ Everything _ . He’s just the best at  _ everything _ .” Dean tried not to let the smile slip and to sound too bitter. He didn’t want his words not to sound honest because it was true. Roman was great at whatever he did. And it wasn’t his fault. It was just in his nature. 

“Is that so? What are you good at?” Seth wanted to know. He seemed to be fooled by the smile on Dean’s lips. And that was alright, it was exactly what the blond had wanted. But the question, it was a tough one. He wasn’t sure he could answer it. 

For a moment, he thought about it. “I don’t know.” He mumbled. “I’m.. I think I’m quite  **okay** at pool.”

“Really? I’m so bad at that game. I have lost so much money because one sip of beer makes me think I can win everything but actually.. I’m just the worst at it.” Seth laughed. He actually laughed, almost a bit like a child, and the sound was so refreshing, so easy and natural, that it caused Dean to smile a little bit more too. What a thing of beauty. 

“Yeah..?” Carefully, almost as if he didn’t dare to allow this slight sign of positivity into his life, he tried to join the laughter. His own didn’t sound as natural, not as lighthearted, as Seth’s. But, it was there. For the first time since they had come here, it was there. “I’m like that with poker. I have the worst poker face.”  _ But I’m bad at actually everything _ , he added in his head. As always, there were so many things Dean didn’t say. He always kept them inside.

“I don’t even know the rules for poker.” Seth was still smiling at him, even when the laughter died down. “I think you could just be showing your dimples and people would be blinded. You don’t need a real poker face.” Just like earlier, when Seth had talked about the fact that you could see that Dean worked out sometimes, he wasn’t quite sure whether it was a compliment or not. 

While the dirty blond man tried to figure that out, his Samoan friend caught his eye. He was sitting next to that architect guy he’d been introduced to months ago but who’s name he still didn’t know, and, of course, next to Finn. The smaller brunette male was leaning over to kiss the cheek of Dean’s best fest and just like that, the soft laughter and the smile died again. Dean could feel that the corners of his mouth were physically pulled towards the ground and where he had sat up straight before, he sank back into his chair and now looked down. He could see that Seth’s head turned to follow his gaze to, see why Dean had stopped smiling. So, before he could address the topic, he rose from his chair and cleared his throat. “Excuse me for a moment. I’ll just go to the bathroom for a minute.” 

Seth nodded. Dean could feel the hazel eyes burning on his back as he walked towards Roman instead of the house. It was time. It was  _ finally _ time to go home. He would tell Roman goodbye, would use the bathroom and call a cab from inside. For some reason, he had forgotten his phone at home so he needed to use the house’s telephone. Now, he regretted not taking his own car to come here. Like that, he could easily have saved the money for the taxi. Riding back with Finn was no option.

The tall man approached Roman quietly because he didn’t want to attract the attention of the other people at the table. “Hey man, I’m slowly gonna hit it.” Immediately, his best friend got up so he could face him better.

“Oh, really? But you just got here? We didn’t even get a chance to hang out.” The slightly older man looked honestly surprised. 

“Yeah, I already called a taxi. You know the drill. Work and that.” He really hadn’t called the cab but he just didn’t want to give the Samoan a lot of ways to ask him to stay. 

“Are you sure? You look like you could need your best friend.” Roman said with his thick and warm voice. Warm and sensitive. Damn him for being so perfect. “Why aren’t you driving yourself? Had too much beer?”

Dean could feel his jaw tensing up. Had Roman even noticed what had happened through the evening? “ **_I_ ** came here with Finn. I don’t have my car.”

If Roman had noticed the change in Dean’s tone, he wasn’t addressing it. Maybe he didn’t care, maybe he just truly missed it. “Ah, too bad man. I’ll call you tomorrow. We can meet for leftovers.” He gestured towards the house as if Dean didn’t know they wouldn’t eat the rest of Roman’s food at his small apartment. His friend rarely came there.

“Sure.” The dirty blonde shrugged. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Roman! Come back, you have to listen to this story!” Finn’s voice was louder than necessary and so over the top, that it pained Dean’s ears.

“Enjoy your night.” This time, Dean truly couldn’t hide the bitterness anymore. He wasn’t even looking at Roman even though it was him he spoke to. His eyes were focussed on Finn. Knowing his friend and seeing the way he turned around to sit again, he knew for sure that the two men would share a bed that night. It didn’t matter anymore that he and Finn had been intimate earlier today. It was like that had never happened. 

“Okay see ya, Dean.” Roman didn’t look at him either. There was no hug, no handshake, nothing. The Samoan was completely unbothered and carried on with the conversations at the table. For a moment he just stood there. Dumped, not just by his date, but also by his best friend. Dean wasn’t sure if he had ever felt lonelier than he did in this moment. 

“Bye..” His voice was only a whisper anymore, not heard by anyone, as his head hung low and he moved towards the back entrance of the house. Luckily, no one tried to talk to him on the way there, so he could make his way to the bathroom and lock the door behind himself for a moment. Dean didn’t really need to pee. He just needed to breathe for a moment and around all these people, he couldn’t. On the edge of the bathing tub, he took a seat and swallowed.  _ It’s  _ **_okay_ ** _. It’s  _ **_okay_ ** _. It’s nothing that hasn’t happened before. You got over this before. You will get over it again. Everything is  _ **_okay_ ** . The voice in his head was yelling against the other voice that he so desperately tried to ignore. Dean rested his face in his hands for a moment, covering his eyes, needing the dark to be there, needing to feel hidden and secure for just a second so he could make it until at home before breaking down completely. Once the dirty blond felt like he could walk normal again at least, he got up and went to wash his hands. 

He had just exited the bathroom and went to the kitchen where the phone was usually located, when he heard someone walking in. Because his fingers were about to dial the number, the Ohioan only gave it a short look over the shoulder. Dark hair and a broad frame, Roman probably brought something inside or was getting more beer. He didn’t address him and just slammed the number into the telephone. Apparently, the number wasn’t correct so Dean hung up. “Hey, can you google the number of that taxi company on your phone real quic?” As caught up as Roman was with Finn, he had probably already forgotten that the blond man had told him a cab was already on its way when it wasn’t. Dean didn’t really care that his voice was a little distant. He just wanted to get out of here.

“I can. Are you leaving already?” Oh, that wasn’t Roman’s voice. Immediately, Dean turned around to see who it was. To his surprise, Seth was standing in the kitchen with him. Crap, he had hoped that he could just quietly slip away without having to explain himself. 

“Uhm..” What was he supposed to say now? “Yeah I.. I guess I need some sleep. Got work in the morning.” Once again, Dean was covering up for his best friend who had broken his heart just a little bit more. “But it’s  **okay** , I’ll just use Roman’s computer for a moment.”

“No worries, I can check it on my phone. But if you want to I can also give you a ride home?”

Dean hesitated. This stranger was being too kind.  _ Something _ was up. Maybe Tyler had told him to try to get with Dean because he knew that the blond didn’t have a lot of luck in love? Why else should someone who didn’t know him offer to take him home. “You really don’t have to. I can just go with a cab.”

“It’s not a problem. I don’t think I’ll be staying for much longer anyway. It’s already kind of late for me.” He was still hesitating but Seth’s eyes looked at him like  **THAT** again. Like they were hoping Dean would actually say yes to the offer, like he was really looking forward to doing Dean the favor. 

“Alright..” He couldn’t tell these warm eyes no. The Ohioan felt like he would maybe put someone in a similar position as he was in right now, should he deny them a simple wish. “If you wanna say goodbye to everyone I’ll just wait outside.”

“Nah, I’m fine. I’ll just text Tyler and really, I didn’t talk to many people tonight.” Seth already pulled the keys from the pocket of his jeans. It was now that the blond noticed how tight they were. If he would be in a different state of mind right now, he would try to check the brunette out. Not because he was hoping for anything but just because he did look really handsome. Too handsome. Too handsome  _ for him _ . “Let’s go.” Seth turned to walk towards the door of the kitchen. 

Dean followed and showed him the way out of the house. Many cars parked on the street and driveway but Seth seemed to be completely sure of where they had to walk now. He guided Dean to a grey Camaro. It wasn’t exactly obvious to him, how a yoga teacher could afford such a car. Then again, he wasn’t in the position to question it either. Also, the car suited Seth quite well so he slipped into the passenger seat without saying anything. The engines were started but the car didn’t move. Instead, loud screaming started blasting from the speakers. So loud, that Dean almost covered his ears and his eyes turned toward the brunette in shock.

Seth seemed completely untouched by the tone and just grinned. Quickly though, he turned the radio down. “Sorry.” He laughed a little. “I was training my air guitar skills before I came inside.” With the distance between them and the house, the sound of Seth’s laughter and the light joke, Dean felt like he could crack a smile again. 

“Are you a musician?” He tried to joke back.

“I like to pretend that I am.” Seth started to pull out of the parking lot he had positioned the car in. “So, where do we need to go?”

Dean quickly told him the address. For quite a while it was silent between the two of them and the music filled the car instead of their voices. But then, Seth cleared his throat. “I know I’m really not in the position to ask this but I got to admit that I watched you before you went inside back there. Did you and Roman have a fight or something today?”

A lump started growing in the back of Dean’s throat and he wasn’t able to swallow it down. The blond man had been so caught up in his head that he hadn’t even noticed how obvious the situation had been. “Nah..” He decided it would be best if he tried to play it cool. “We’re good. He was just busy with Finn, I guess.”

“Okay but, and you really don’t have to answer if you don’t feel like it, but wasn’t Finn your date?” 

The lump kept growing and Dean tried to clear his throat two times. “Yeah..” He squeezed out of his dry throat. 

“So now.. He’s Roman’s date? Because they were quite caught up in each other.”

And now, the blond man sighed and felt his shoulders sinking. His gaze wandered towards his own hands that were picking at the hem of his shirt. “I guess.” He admitted that Finn had dumped him. 

“Huh.” Seth just huffed and shook his head a little while he was driving. 

“Yeah.. Huh.” Dean mimed the gesture. It was nice that Seth didn’t immediately comment on it. Like, he was looking for the right words to shape a reply that wouldn’t make things worse. Or at least, that’s what Dean told himself. 

“That’s quite the shitty situation.” The brunette then blurred out and laughed. He started laughing. How? How could he be laughing? Or.. How could Dean not be laughing? How could he not laugh about the sweet irony? About himself? About the fact that he had truly thought someone could be falling for him? “I gotta admit, that’s a complete dick-move of your best friend. And you picked a pretty trashy date.” Seth was still laughing as he spoke.

Again, just like earlier, it made Dean smile. Something about the laugh of the other man just triggered it inside of him like a completely natural reaction. “Yeah.. I guess that describes it pretty well.” 

Seth didn’t comment on that. He just smiled. And so did Dean. It didn’t feel comfortable, maybe he had lost the muscles he needed for a smile because he didn’t do it often enough, but it felt like it was the right thing. Seeing the other man smile so beautifully caused him to feel like he wanted to smile too. 

It took them another 20 minutes of silence to get to Dean’s apartment complex. Seth cut the engines and then turned towards the blond male. He smiled at him. Even though Dean was hiding behind his bangs, even though his shoulders hung low, even though sadness reeked from every pore that he had, Seth just smiled at him. “Well, it was an absolute pleasure meeting you, Dean. I think I might have enjoyed it more than you did but maybe we can change that the next time.” The next what? What next time? Before Dean could ask that, Seth had already grabbed a pen from the center console and the wrapping paper of an old gum. He scrabbled his name and number on it and handed it to the blond man, wearing a breathtaking and majestic glow all over his body. Dean had no chance but to take it. The whole situation overwhelmed him, so he didn’t exactly think about what he was doing anymore. “I think you should call me the next time you need a date. Or you know, if you want to do some yoga. Either way, I’ll stick with you the whole time until you’re done with me. Promise.”

Dean didn’t know what to say. He looked at Seth like he was at a total loss, his palm with the phone number still wide open. A frown started creeping on his face. What was happening? What in the world did Seth want from him? There was no chance in hell that he was being serious with the things he was saying, this was definitely some joke that was being played on him. Probably, if he tried calling that number, some sex hotline or so would pick up. Ha, his friends wouldn’t be fooling him this time. 

Dean quickly tried swallowing down the obvious confusion on his face as he came to that conclusion. “Sure.” He agreed, even though he already knew he wouldn’t call the other man. If, in some very distant universe under completely different circumstances in which he looked like Roman Reigns and had the charme of John Travolta, he could meet Seth again, then he would call. But the way he saw things now, Seth was either playing a prank on him or, even worse, pitying him. And Dean was not up for that. The brunette beauty was so obviously out of his league, he would just save himself the embarrassment.

“Great!” Seth still smiled at him so genuinely. “I’ll be waiting to hear from you!” 

Dean opened the car door but nodded. “Sure thing. Until next time.” He climbed out of the car. “Bye.” The door was slammed shut and he watched Seth driving off. One more time, his eyes wandered down to the phone number. Maybe..  _ No _ . There was no need to keep it.  _ Don’t get your fucking hopes up, Ambrose!  _

Dean dumped the number in the next trash can as he walked up into his apartment. Finally, he could allow the penned up emotions out, could allow himself to break and to feel. And it was  **okay** . Because here he was in silence and no one would disturb or judge him. No one could hurt him if he was alone. That thought, and only that, could make things  **okay** now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouch, that hurt. What do you think? Did Dean make the right decision or should he kept the number to call up Seth? And what do you think will happen the next day when Dean and Roman meet again?! Let me know in the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> And that's round one of yet another heartbreaking story! Let me know what you thought about this in the comment section!


End file.
